...roles...

the sun burst out, the air changed...
hmmm roles, stakes, burdens??? changing is natural...the moment when we want to release and leave that little something that doesn't lift us anymore, doesn't satisfy us and find, take something new, different...something that helps us move a little further and that forces us to become a better person...idealistic? Maybe, but I like this line of thought...when you surround yourself with things and people that drag all those good things out of you...that you didn't even know you had, you could use...no matter if this makes you fit into the given frames...because anyone has its maximum potential and is happy if at the end of life can look back and realize that no matter all the 'mistakes', wrong decisions...(how can a decision be wrong when you always take them in the your best interest?...if you do something wrong, you must know how to look behind it, to the real reason...the saying 'you learn form mistakes' is not useless, and so...it depends on how long it takes to learn...maybe once, maybe all life long?)...lived a good life, right for yourself...but, let's go back to changes, even if I don't know how to recognize the right time for changes, expanding (the role)...reading the signs that I run into on my way...if I am bogged down for too long...that something will stop me with any means)...it's mine to learn to recognize as soon as possible...now I listen more often to the impulse that jells to me rather than whispers 'I want to do this'...I certainly hope that this is the pre-experiencial knowledge in my spirit, intuition... (or I'm screwed) anyway our limits are where we put them (I always put them closer – to be sure, but now I move them...I'm like a rabbit in a cabbage field)...we choke as much as we don't allow ourselves to breathe...once you venture high above the clouds where the sun always shines, it's difficult to settle for that kind of life, sterile and calculated...beneath, where you have to wait for...I don't know, God's mercy for the clouds to move apart, to enjoy the sun...you simply strive to be above them for as long as it gets, in the glare of the sun and to wait is not an option, but you act to achieve it...I don't state that we will not catch wrong flights in life, the ones that will not brake the clouds, or flights that will land very quickly...but nevertheless, I hope to catch as many as I can, longer or shorter...
I think that my strongest fear in life is this sterility and calculated living...my stake in life is my presence in it...because what kind of life is one that I don't give myself into because I fear that everything will disappear in due time...I learn every day not to think about the future as a picture where I should be...my every decision takes me a step forward and I always decide in my best interest...and see where it takes me...if a time comes when something specific disappears from my life I will be sad, I might want to die (like many times before)...but I will embrace that feeling, live through it and then let it go and move on
I can loose everything, but I don't want to lose myself again...I try to be true and honest to myself...now I do things just because I can, just like a child...and the learning process is never-ending and doesn’t allow us to lull into a false feeling of certainty

always be flexible...