...weights...windmills...

being flexible, as life can at any time turn into an unexpected path...
but, let me go back to roles...
roles, feeling guilty...obligations, expectations...should I call all of it weights??
all of this chains us and weights are hanging from us, some heavier, some lighter, we put some on by ourselves, some others are being put on us on our way...is there a person with none? how would such a person be?
However...why do weights have only negative connotations? we bond ourselves with our weights, what we are...morally, socially, humanely...
each one of us in life plays and acts some role...consciously-unconsciously, some imposed by others, some self-imposed, sometimes we act less, sometimes more...simply, we don't show our real face...we don't even recognize it ourselves every time...just by belonging to a society, culture, we behave as expected by it...all that is unique in a person is denied and we drown in the masses...from the beginning we are subtly directed towards a way of specific expectations, roles and denying what we really are...it's hard indeed to lift the burdens of expectations towards others and ourselves...and when we don't fulfill our expectations, we live supposing and expecting something from somebody, and at the same time we don't want to be put into the same frames in which we so easily put others...
roles take over our lives, we live a matrix...we identify with this roles, we embrace them as an inseparable part of us and we accept as a dogma that our lives have meaning only through such an identification...easily forgetting that we are so much more than the things we identify with and how we proclaim ourselves...what do names, surnames and professions mean...do we become different, others if we change all of that (name, profession, address...)??
and then, in one moment, you see that your thoughts fly in so many directions, and that you can't relate just to the linear life that they are offering you, stating that this is the only possible and 'right' (we only miss they telling us that it's scientifically proven), not to be satisfied with that and if you are lucky enough, if you have courage= craziness to chose the byway to self-cognizance...when you know that you are traveling alone, rarely running into somebody, but you rejoice truly when you do so...the path where you choose the speed, even the direction because it is not different, it's like a highway others use...it's somewhere here, present, but indefinite (because everyone has its own) and allows interventions...you frequently stumble, you fall...and you have nothing to grab but yourself...while you have to function in the reality in which you exist bodily, physically, because, after all, you are just a person (to join the apparently incompatible, to conciliate this two disproportions, two worlds...actually, you learn that on your way, because nobody teaches you the infinite possibilities of life)...and then you partly start taking on roles on purpose, depending on the need...now you pay attention not to let the role take over your life and not to loose yourself on the way...and you know your essence is always present...regardless of all the losses-gains, when roles fall one after the other...it always here...omnipresent and permeating
yes, it's true that vanity and ego win over the real meaning of every loss, a lesson you get as a present...and every time you learn again, you recognize, you re-live, you survive and move on...a process that lasts as long as we do, when you keep learning all over again that it is still you...sometimes somewhat stronger, sometimes weaker...but YOU
vanity and ego that always undermine that core, they easily make you miss, wonder away...and you need to listen each time, keep learning, opening...
there you go, I've wandered away again, I wanted to say a thing or two about windmills...but, so much is bursting out that I've been asking myself for a while now 'is this me, too?'
so, you act out yourself the way others see you and perceive you, then you loose yourself somewhere along the way and you don't know anymore where the dividing line between you and your role is...and we take on roles as we put on clothes, depending on the occasion...you know what each situation presupposes and you just adapt...and you blame everybody else because you are miserable, unsatisfied, but you don't want to change because of your ego and vanity...the real truth is that we can only change ourselves and that the real treasure lies in accepting any person for what he truly is, unconditionally, without disapproval, changing, because we can only mold ourselves, get to know, wake up, direct...another utopia? The unconditional and all present weighing of relationships (who gives-takes more, works better-worse, correctly-wrongly...) and so on all life long...we are only humans after all...
and no matter where we live, in a 10-million city or in the country, we are all the same and the windmills (ooo...finally the windmills!!) are omnipresent..in us..but, why 'fight' (I don't like this word and I'm trying to avoid it because it makes me think of losing and winning-whereas in life there is no losing or winning, it's all part of the process) them?
Windmill will be windmills, we will be we and nothing we can do can transform the windmills into something else, not even move them by an inch...they have their role and purpose...can we, in our lives come to the point where we can accept them with love and wisdom as part of the organization of life??
it somehow makes sense to me to act on things that I can influence, I don't want to waste my energy on the ones that I can't influence, in vain, rooting the unrootable...when so many 'trifles' that are imploring to be noticed, I guess the forest makes us not see the trees...I can't influence the rain, it will or will not fall...I can just choose a colorful umbrella or a raincoat and...enjoy it...cease that moment of the day...
for our ego it is easier and makes more sense to spend life 'correcting' and 'pointing out' somebody else's mistakes and faults instead of looking into ourselves with that penetrating look that unveils us completely...
that brings us to the next question...who do we fear to be revealed/unrevealed to? others or ourselves?
...you need courage to look into yourself the way you really are and accept yourself as you are, regardless of the reflections of all the people (mirrors) that surround you and look at yourself with your own eyes, not with the eyes of others...
but this demands a new topic, on mirrors and reflections